11 years ago tomorrow, I prayed for a Godly man. I wrote out 51 qualities that I wanted, suited best for me: Loves the Lord, Respects his family, sends flowers for no reason at all, loves to dance, is competitive, a family man, animal lover… the list goes on. You know, 51 things in total.
Meeting Chris was the most unsuspecting thing, but I knew it from the start. I think we both did. This week having our families here has had its challenging moments, but overall a huge gift of time and help in setting up our new home. After a great TCU victory over Texas tonight, we all said our goodbyes for the evening, before leaving my mom and his mom both comment, “tonight is your last night as a single woman, how does it feel?”
Tonight is my last night as a single woman…
I never thought being single was bad. In many ways I enjoyed the single life, always with a hope that God would provide and fulfill a dream of being married one day, but I have become pretty comfortable in many ways as being Danielle Loeffler. Peace surrounds all of this marriage, but to be honest, the words of “last night” implies forever. I am a thinker and a processor. Wrong or right, I unpack-age phrases like that. What am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to say? Did I make the most of my time as a “single person?”
Fear. Fear is the emotion that surrounds it because there is something about tomorrow that welcomes Chris and I into a new season. A chapter of un-knowns. New changes in addition to the ones already transpiring. Why? Because it is all out of my control and for better or worse I am spiritually, emotionally, physically and legally committed to another person in every way. Someone who has flaws, needs, desires, goals, plans, dreams, fears… he’s human. It all changes tomorrow and there is no way to know what that looks like.
Trust. As I sit here writing I am prompted by two things: trust the Lord and trust Chris. Trust that what the Lord provided 11 years ago and affirmed now is true and good. My job is to be faithful and honoring as I step forward in that. Trust Chris in who he is, his heart for the Lord and his heart for me. Trust that we will take on every change and uncertainty together and be better for it. Trust that surrender is not weakness, it is strength of letting someone else in.
I am so thankful for everything these past 27 years have taught me and I am beyond blessed and thankful to get to step into this next one with Chris. #ChoosingJoyinChange