It’s Ok not to Be Ok

For weeks I have been counting down the day to finally get to be with Chris. Actually, our entire relationship has been a countdown: When I would see him for our next date, when he was deploying, when he would return home, when we would go on vacation, when he was moving to TX, when we would get engaged and finally when I would move to TX.

From the beginning he was my choice and the one I knew God had for me.  All of that going into relocating to TX on Sunday has made this a million times easier, however, I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would still be.  Running life at a fast pace has rewards and consequences.

“Running” blocks taking in everything a moment holds

“Running” initiates auto-pilot where you function out of habit and not heart

“Running” is addictive and stopping/ slowing down causes withdrawals

“Running” feeds lies that you are actually doing more and accomplishing quality tasks, when the reality is the only thing increasing is the quantity of things you are chasing after.

Sunday night that all came to a crashing holt as the moving truck from TN to TX was unloaded, our new house in disarray with both our families eager to help and jump in.  Monday morning continued just laying in bed thinking, “What just happened?  I know no one here?  Our lives are starting together, did I miss this whole past three weeks in Nashville by being so busy? My response?

I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I don’t know.  And Tears.

Today I am trying:

-to slow down and enjoy this season by finding the positives in both families being here together.  Both of our families getting along and most of all this quality time with all of them.

-reading scripture to remember truths when I don’t know what I am feeling or fully thinking.

-reminding myself that Nashville was a huge adjustment and change and that it took me a solid three months to even enjoy it.  Such a sweet reminder that there will be amazing things here.

-texting and calling people from home, reminding myself that they are still a huge part of my life, just a few more miles away than before.

-Being vulnerable with my sweet fiancé, trusting him to comfort me, love me, extend grace and pray over me when I am lacking both strength and words.

-Taking it moment by moment and celebrating the small victories of getting a box unpacked, a load of laundry complete or just quality time with my family.

This season is beautiful in every way and I’m so thankful for it.




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