Reflection & Change

This morning and honestly this entire week I have found myself caught in just the forest of things that are going on in my life.  God has provided me recently with some amazing opportunities to pursue my dreams for Guest Experience with other churches, expand and change my event planning business and possibly the biggest change is that I am going to take this leap in Austin!  This week it hit me that a year ago I was in Haiti with our Cross Point team.  11 amazing people, 1 very long week, some surreal circumstances and countless moments of just watching God at work.  The stories and memories from that trip will be ones that I never forget.

So much has changed.  It’s almost comical to think of where I was personally and professionally last year and now to be walking into some of the biggest changes in my life yet.

Here is what I am learning about myself this week:

I like change, when I can be one of the control factors– I don’t mind change, I think I do ok with it honestly, but when I am not leading the change, present to help solve the problem or fully understand the reasoning for the issue, change frustrates me.

I’m scared– I don’t like to admit this and often don’t.  With so many question marks and strong desires in my heart, I am scared at the end of the day that things will go a different way, that it won’t be how I want it to be. Etc.  I’m human.

I will be my own destruction I analyze or “process” everything to the 100th degree as my boyfriend likes to tell me 🙂  While I think processing is a great thing, I have realized that as I continue to play situations, conversations and question marks on repeat in the name of processing, that I am building a wall.  No one and nothing is building this, I am.  Life is happening just as it should, curve balls, changes, highs and lows.  God is still God and the only thing I can do is choose how to respond.

Exhale.  Repeat.

 

Proverbs 16:1-3

We can make our own plans,
    but the Lord gives the right answer.

People may be pure in their own eyes,

    but the Lord examines their motives.

Commit your actions to the Lord,

    and your plans will succeed.

I am choosing Joy and Gratitude.

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