I feel like I wrestle with God. Sometimes in a way where I expect Him to answer justifying back for His reasons. This past week held several moments of frustration- “why, what are you doing? why them? This makes no sense!” Two families that I know and love in particular are both currently faced with major medical/ life- altering challenges. Both can still recover, but it seems like it will be a long and daunting journey for all involved.
I know the right things to say… “You’re in control. Your ways are not my ways. You are at work behind the scenes” In some ways on Thursday I kept saying that probably just to make myself feel better as one family in particular reached out to me for prayer and guidance. My prayers felt empty, my words weightless and my heart aggravated. My dialogue internally to the Lord went something like- “These are good people, who love you, who are faithful to you, who are doing amazing things with what you have given them. How is this not enough?” That’s a scary thing to ask God I realize. All day long I felt as thought He remained silent as my questions continued. Every text I received with no good news seemed to add to it.
Friday morning, I did what I should have done Thursday night- I spent time in His word. Sitting on my patio, I asked simply, “show me something… I don’t know what else to ask for.” Doing the spiritually mature thing, I opened my bible randomly and read whatever chapter appeared first on the un-intended page- Isaiah 55-
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways… so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and chi eve the purpose for which I sent it.”
I have no further answer for these families. There is no further progress of good or bad news for updates, but I now have peace. Peace in that the reminder that God is working, He is present and that this all has purpose. My job is to trust.