I wonder what age you learned to withdraw when friends hurt your feelings? What age did you learn to monitor the questions you asked from experience that you will probably get made fun of for asking silly question? (because there is no such thing as a stupid question, or so my teachers used to say). When did you learn that playing games in a relationship were “safer” than being vulnerable?
We build walls, we build “norms” we change behaviors to protect and teach ourselves to live better, differently and stronger. I do not mean in the sense of learning from mistakes and applying those principles to become better individuals, I mean those painful moments that have altered you to the point that you physically now step back from. What are those? Cross Point Church is going through the Let Hope In series, a series based upon the Let Hope In book byPete Wilson. From the book, Wilson mentions, “if we do not learn to transform the pain then we will only transfer it.” Lovely… I get to step in and deal with it. If I desire authentic relationships, which I do.
My learned “norm” is to retreat when I can’t fix something or when something doesn’t feel necessarily fair. I learned that lesson well- at a young age from friends, relationships and even my family. In the event of attempting to transform it, God graciously has granted me opportunities every day this week to practice stepping into moments of vulnerability, un-fair circumstances and situations where there is no resolution, only an option for trust. My inner dialogue so much is to step back into those moments of past experiences and to retreat, yet, I want to be more than who I was yesterday- a better friend, a better daughter, sister, leader, servant and girlfriend. So far, it doesn’t feel fair, it doesn’t feel easy, but I’m stepping forward.
I don’t think this “scripture of the day” was by accident: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus ” Philippians 4:6-7
My prayer is to love recklessly- stepping into the moments that feel uncomfortable, that I have to be vulnerable and trust God with creating a “new norm.” Wouldn’t it be great if God would give a timeline like a paleo diet- 21 day challenge… I am much better with stuff like that. I guess I come back to my mantra always, “If I want something I have never had, then I must do something I have never done.” Well, here is to Wednesday, trudging along and trusting God with learning new norms!