Recognize this lyric? If not, let me introduce you to one of my favorite songs by Hillsong United, Oceans- Where Feet May Fail.
You need trust for everything, at least every relationship you intend to have and share well. To be honest, I struggle with trust. Why? Because trust, in my definition, is the relinquishing of control to someone or something for a situation or outcome. I want to put everything in a nice little box and say, “ok, this is how this situation will look & likely play out. Great, how do I respond to all of that?” Yep, as a recovering control addict, it is challenging for me to let go of control in a professional setting; empowering volunteers to serve guests well. It’s challenging for me to turn over control that a co-worker will handle a conversation like I would handle it. It’s challenging to be vulnerable, that a friend will step into a tough moment and process through it with me. I struggle with opening my heart to someone again, believing their word is true; loving someone, hoping that when they see my flaws, they accept them and love me back. Trust requires courage, vulnerability, positivity and risk.
Through the last 6 months and currently, I am learning these lessons, challenging myself:
1. If I want to grow- personally or professionally, I need to let other people step forward in their strengths and lead well, yet not leave them in the process. I need to be willing to be uncomfortable and willing to not have answers, but to communicate effectively and grow with them.
2. If I want to love- I have to be at peace with caring for someone in a new way, being honest with them about feelings, fears and needs . I need to risk being both selfish and selfless with the belief that God will never take away something good that He does not desire to replace with something better.
3. If I want an amazing story & journey, I have to be willing to honest about my weaknesses and struggles, knowing that God can use those, even when I don’t see potential in them. I need to trust that I am in this season for a purpose and that if I choose to do nothing with it, then I am missing out.
A border is a box to me. The box I create, is usually tangible and the myth, as mentioned above, is that I can control it. I don’t want to limit the growth of the place I work or the people I work with. I don’t want to limit my relationships with friends & family to not be the very best it can possibly be for lack of vulnerability. I don’t want to waste the opportunity to experience a loving & honest relationship for fear of the elements outside of my control. I still have my box, but for everything that looks & feels like a border to me, I am choosing to relinquish that control to God, because I absolutely want 2014 to be amazing.